BETHESDA BAPTIST CHURCH, Felixstowe
Jesus Christ - the way, the truth and the life
Contact Details:
c/o 8 Mill Lane
Felixstowe
Suffolk
IP11 7RN
Coping with bereavementBereavement is one of the hardest experiences we go through in life and sooner or later it affects us all. Bereavement may come suddenly or at the end of long illness. We may experience a whole range of emotions ranging from sorrow, to despair, to guilt, or anger. Sometimes we feel relief, sometimes we just feel numb. Bereavement can often be a time of questioning, of asking deep questions about death, about God, about our departed love ones and about the life to come. Here in this part of our website we have attempted to answer some of the real questions that bereaved people have asked over the years. We don't know all the answers to every question, but have tried to answer as best we can, based on the teaching of God’s Word, the Bible. We hope you find this page helpful. If you would like a leader of Bethesda Church to visit you, please get in touch - see Contact Us in left-hand column. Questions about life and death Please click on any of these questions or statements:
"My friend lost her son three years ago. He was only 19. She would love to have some kind of sign or message from him to say he is OK. Why doesn’t he contact her from the other side?" It’s only natural that your friend longs to hear from her son. Anyone in her position would want the same. But, the fact is we cannot contact the dead and they cannot contact us. When a loved one dies we have to come to accept that they have gone. We will not see them or speak to them again in this life. This is hard, but it is only as we gradually accept this, that we start to come to terms with our loss and rebuild our lives. We have to let our loved ones go, entrusting them to God. As we do that, gradually healing and comfort comes to us. What happens to you when you die?"I’ve recently been to a number of funerals. It's made me think a lot about death and the afterlife. What actually happens to us when we die?" When we die our bodies stay here on earth. They return to the earth, from which they were made. However, our souls - our conscious selves -continue their existence, with Christians passing immediately into the presence of God. According to the Bible, at the end of time, the dead will all be raised to life. Then everyone will appear before God to be judged. The most important decision we can make in this life is to get right with God now and to receive his forgiveness now, before we appear before him. So, how do we get right with God ? We do it by turning from our sins and turning to Jesus Christ, God’s only Son. You can discover more about this by reading How can I get right with God? below. How can we be sure? The only sure way of knowing the truth about what happens when we die is to ask someone who has died. Although some people have had near- death experiences there is only one person in the world who has died and came back to life, never to die again. That person is Jesus Christ. That’s why what he has to say about life and death is worth listening to: he knows what he is talking about. Why is there so much suffering in the world?"Why is there so much suffering in the world? If God is so good why doesn’t he do something about it?" A lot of the suffering in the world is caused by us. Human beings have an amazing power to do good but they can also do a lot of bad. Human greed, selfishness, hatred and violence are massive problems. They cause a huge amount of suffering. But what about other things like earthquakes and diseases that are not caused directly by something we do? The Bible says, they are all part and parcel of a world that has gone badly wrong. This also started when the first man and the first woman turned away from God and said ‘we’ll do it our way, not yours.’ Ever since then mankind has been in rebellion against God and this has had a disastrous effect on the world in all kinds of ways. Everything wrong in the world comes from this. The real root of the problem is that we have become separated from God. We do what we want, not what he wants. There is something seriously wrong with the human heart. We have got something wrong in us. We all suffer from spiritual heart disease . This is something that makes us veer away from what is good to what is bad and harmful. Being bad is one thing we don’t have to learn. It seems to come to us naturally. If the root cause of all the suffering in the world is what has gone wrong with us human beings, people like me and you, what is God doing about it? What God has done about it is this:
As we all suffer from spiritual heart disease, God has provided the way for us all to have a spiritual heart transplant. To become new people. To become more like the people he wants us to be. What is heaven like?"I've never really thought about it until now, but what exactly is heaven like?" The Bible says that at the end of time God will create a whole new world. It will be like this world but a lot better. The popular picture of people wearing white robes, plucking at harps and floating around on clouds is a long way from the Bible’s picture of heaven. For a start it sounds dead boring. Heaven is far better than that! The really great thing about heaven is that God’s people will see him face to face. He will live with them and they will live with him. All the things that spoil this life such as suffering and pain and death will have been banished. And God will reign. Christians look forward to this new, better world that God has promised. They believe they will go there after they die, not because they have earned a place there, but because Jesus has promised a place there to everyone who believes in him. He never did any harm but now he’s dead at 49"My husband never did anyone any harm his whole life and he died at 49 of cancer. Some people do terrible things and die a peaceful death in old age. It all seems so unfair." Sadly, there is much injustice in this life. Sometimes the best people die young and the wicked live to a great old age. The Bible encourages us to believe, though, that in the long run, in God’s overall plan, justice will be done. Our life here on earth is just like the first page of a book. In the life to come the injustices of this life will be put right by God according to his good plan. The Bible also encourages us to be honest about ourselves and our loved ones. No one is perfect. No- one has ever actually lived a life in which they've harmed no-one. Sadly, we harm one another in different ways throughout our lives both by what we do and by what we don’t do. The truth is we have all fallen short of what God expects of us. We all need forgiveness. We all need to be put right with God. Thankfully, God has opened the way for that to happen. You can discover more about this by reading How can I get right with God? below. I am thinking of seeing a spiritualist"My Dad died last year and my Mum can’t get over it. She is so miserable. She is thinking of going to a spiritualist church to try and make contact. She would so love to hear from him again. It would give her such comfort." When someone we love dies we naturally yearn more than anything else in the world to see them and speak to them again. Spiritualists claim to be able to put us into contact with departed loved ones. This seems like a great idea, yet the Bible gives Spiritualism a spiritual health warning. Trying to contact the dead through mediums can damage your spiritual health. For one thing, God forbids it. It is against his law. And he warns us against it in the Bible. Since God is a loving heavenly Father who wants the best for us, it makes sense to listen carefully to his warnings about spiritualism. Secondly, in the end it makes it harder to cope with bereavement. We gradually come through bereavement by letting our loved ones go. By accepting that they have moved from this life into the next. To try to get in contact with them only slows down the ‘letting-go’ process and holds up the recovery process. Its a bit like picking at a scab - it stops the wound from healing. Keep your memories of your Dad alive, talk about him, and treasure your memories but gradually accept that he has gone. In time, healing will come. I keep thinking he’s still in the house"My husband died just over a year ago but I keep thinking he’s in the house. Sometimes I think I can hear his voice and sometimes when I wake up in the night I think he’s in the room. It really scares me. I think I am going mad." When you have known someone for many, many years and they have shared most of your life, its very hard to get used to the fact that they have gone. Bereaved people often think they see their departed loved ones. It’s not uncommon for people to think they have heard their voices or felt their presence. Many people have experienced what you have. Its a perfectly normal part of bereavement. It certainly doesn’t mean you are going mad ! The truth is: when we die, although our bodies remain on this earth, our souls - our conscious selves - do not. The souls of Christians are already with God. At the end of time, we are all judged by him. The dead cannot contact us and we cannot contact them. So try not to worry about these experiences, as they will probably fade with time. If you continue to feel troubled, have a chat with someone about them. If you would like a leader of Bethesda Church to visit you, please get in touch. We would be happy to come and visit you and pray with you in your house if you would like that. Is burial better than cremation?
Some people prefer one method of disposing of the body more than others. It’s very much a matter of personal preference. From the Christian point of view, cremation and burial are equally good. At a funeral we dispose reverently of the body which is what is left behind when the soul goes to be with God and is given a new body. Whether the old body is buried or cremated the end result is the same. The body decomposes and goes back into the soil from which it came. That’s why we say ‘ash to ash, dust to dust’ at a funeral service. From a scientific point of view, the only difference between burial and cremation is that the process of decomposition is much faster in one case than the other. The most important point to remember is that whether we are cremated or buried, if we put our trust in Jesus we have his promise that, even though our existing bodies die, we shall have eternal life. Then God gives us new bodies and new life in the world to come. I wish I could believe"When my sister’s husband died ten years ago she started going to church. She’s says she gets so much comfort and strength from her faith. I wish I could believe but I just can’t." Many, many people like your sister have found deep comfort from the Christian faith through a bereavement. But, others find it hard to believe. Why not talk to your sister or go along to her church with her or perhaps have a chat with her vicar or another minister. They will be only too pleased to have a talk with you. Many people these days are wanting to find out the truth about spiritual things. For many people, joining a group to find out a bit more about the Christian faith has been the way forward. At Bethesda Church we use the Christianity Explored course. Another excellent thing to do is to read one of the Gospels from the Bible. John or Luke would be a good place to start. They were written by people who knew Jesus and they tell us who he is and why he came. I am terrified of dying"I am 16. My best friend died last year. She was only 15. Now I am terrified of dying. I stay awake at night thinking about it. I think its going to happen to me, too." When someone close to us dies it often makes us think about death in a new way. For one thing, it makes us realise that one day we are going to die, too. This is very normal. Thankfully, it is very rare in our society for teenagers to die so please try not to worry too much that death is just round the corner - it almost certainly isn’t. At the same time, it makes sense to face facts. All of us will die one day. It is the one certainty in life. Death comes to all of us. That’s why what the Christian faith has to say about eternal life or life after death is so important. Check it out now. At Bethesda Church we use the Christianity Explored course where these issues can be discussed. Of course no one wants to die, but millions of people have found through Jesus that they have lost their terrible fear of death. How long will I take to get over this?"My husband died six months ago but I’m still really upset and I miss him every day. I don’t think I’m ever going to get over it." Grief is like a journey that you have to travel through. It takes time. You need time to grieve and to come to terms with your loss. It may help to recognise the different stages of bereavement. Many people go through stages similar to these: Shock Numbness Fantasy and reality The release of grief Painful memories Learning to live again Why doesn’t God do something about all the wicked people in the world?"Every night when I turn on the telly to watch the news I see such terrible things going on in the world: wars; children being molested; bombs going off; old people being mugged and afraid to go out at night. There is so much wickedness in the world. I can’t understand why God doesn’t do anything about it." The first thing to say is he will. The Bible promises that at the end of time God will put everything right. God's people will be comforted Suffering, pain, and death will be ended once and for all, and God will comfort his people. The last book in the Bible describes this in these beautiful words:
Wicked people will be punished In this life, some people seem to get away with it. They avoid the police. They get let off by juries when they are really guilty. They get away with murder (sometimes literally). But, God sees what they are doing. They won’t avoid his justice for ever. They will have to answer to him. He will judge them justly. At the end of time, justice will be done. God will see to that. God's solution to the problem of wickedness God has done something already about wickedness. He has done the most amazing thing of all: he has come to this world in person. He has lived among us. He has put up with mocking, and scorn and insults. He has been the victim of a trumped up trial and one of the most barbaric forms of execution invented by man. He has been through death and come out the other side. He’s not aloof from us, like a king living in isolated splendour in a royal palace. He’s the God who rolled up his sleeves and got dirty and lived among us and has died for us. And in dying he was won a great victory over death and evil Sure, wickedness continues - but only for a while. Jesus has won the victory over evil, and one day that victory will be seen by everyone. How can I get right with God?"How can I be sure of going to heaven?" That’s the most important question in the world because all of us will die one day. All of us will have to appear before God, our judge, on judgement day. How can we get right with God now so that we can die with a clear conscience and with confident knowledge that we’re in the clear with God so that he will welcome us into heaven? Well God has provided a way through Jesus. When Jesus came to earth he came on a rescue mission to save us. When he died on the cross, he died in our place, taking for us the punishment we deserve because of our sins. That means that, rather than facing an eternity cut off from God, forgiveness and new life can be ours instead - and all as a free gift from God. You can discover more about this by reading What is the gospel? under Food for Thought in the left-hand column. Receiving God's forgiveness and new life is the most important thing we can do whilst we are alive. Acknowledgement: This page is adapted by Bethesda Baptist Church, Felixstowe, from the website of Holy Trinity Church, Redhill, and is used with their kind permission.
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